In school, did you ever have friends that spent their time
drawing detailed penis’ in their workbook? And whether it was the complete
disregard for education or their own personal dignity - you found it funny.
Well, if you gave those people a video camera and a handful of cash, you’d get,
The Taint.
Is this a masterpiece? Short answer, yes. If you don’t like penises however... It’s
still yes, but it may be a huge violation to your senses. The rest of us can sit back and enjoy and enjoy being violated.
It’s sick, it’s gross, there are penises and apparently it’s
“misogynistic” (pretty big word for a woman.)
The title, by some near miss is not referring to the space
between the balls and bum, but rather a foreign chemical dumped into the water
supply (more twists to cum.) This taint has created a utopian future where
every man’s johnson is equal and on public display with the natural hatred of
women now throbbing and enraged.
Said Epic Logo: Cosmic as fuck
Albino Fast Food Elvis Phil O' Ginny
We open with most epic production logo ever, then 2 pairs of
tits, a vaginal POV shot, a bloodied cock... then we meet our protagonist, Cory
Worthington Phil O’ Ginny (It’s Irish) being attacked by an incontinent
hillbilly. [Cue 80’s synth credits sequence, Oh, I love it.]
From there, Phil meets Cassandra a woman recently widowed after popping
her husband’s head like a paper bag, she’s rather hardcore.
Meanwhile, Phil is being attacked by his school gym teacher and his homo-erotic Yakusa
squad - who worship the gym teachers fist , yep.
The film from there is mainly a series of flashbacks,
misadventures, back-story and fire hydrant ejaculating
cocks (Note: half the budget was probably used on milk). I don’t want to
spoil everything – just enough to arouse interest. A word of warning you may
want a accepting stomach to swallow this load with ease.
Of mainstream sources it would appear to get a decent action film, I’d advise to scourge deeper into
more exploitive tastes. A rise in ultra-violent vigilante justice genre has
peeked recently: here are the latest two that stood out as the style and
substance.
“Jerk
on this, you child-molesting shit-licker!”
Hobo With A Shotgun (2011):
Originally a fake trailer for the
Grindhouse phenomena. This one I feel is potentially the best of them all. Combining an urban setting, anarchist theme to
a pseudo-future of gang warfare - Class
Of 84’, Combat Shock and Escape From L.A. spring to mind.
While I
liked all the Grindhouse films albeit Machete
which worked better as a trailer. I can mention a couple of things I didn’t
like from each. Hobo With A Shotgun
didn’t miss a beat with me and worked the best as an actual stand-alone movie
and has created a strong reputation in underground crowds completely separating
itself from Grindhouse and became a league of its own. It wasn’t as well
critical received as the others however, for what reason I can only assume is
because this film is right proper trashy at times however the level of bad taste is
brilliant for people who understand shit about things.
Rutger Hauer (The
Hobo) must be one of the most badass grandpa’s this side of Gran Torino,
nothing cleans the streets better than that old school ass-kicking. His main
rivals are the “Princes of Fuck Town” the mafia bosses son’s, they enjoy hooker
stomping, test your strength hammers (and human piñatas), flaming school buses
and “skate rape.”It would be a shame to not to mention, The Plague. The cyberpunk
evil twin brothers of Daft Punk. Who with only a small amount of screen time (due
to the effortlessness in which they kill), deserve a spin-off themselves.
Hobo With A
Shotgun is the style of this double feature and easily the video nasty of the
two. For a taste check out ‘Treevenge’
one of the director, Jason Eisener's earlier works.
Super (2010):
James Gunn’s aptly
named Super at first appears to be a Kick-Ass
knock-off; a B-mimic of a half-decent parody. Luckily the film was is surprisingly
good and all prior suspicions were resolved, in fact it’s probably better than Kick-Ass (less teenager-y bullshit.) If
Batman Begins was considered a realistic portrayal of superheroes - meet The Crimson
Bolt.
Frank is a docile,
innocent - somewhat socially inept – man child. His life involves his ex-addict
wife, his co-workers and his fleeting attempts to remember his good times. Cliché?
I guess, but it makes up for it in being relatively and strangely accurate look
at humanity. Liv Tyler plays Franks wife, and while many would consider her to
be out of his league, she comes from a bad past and sees him as perhaps the
only non-dangerous man she has ever met. However, Frank’s wife now depressed
living with boring Frank for so many years has left him for a local drug lord
(Kevin Bacon). Through a flashback we see Frank’s wife profess that only he “can
save her from addiction.” Such begins The Crimson Bolt.
A superhero who resembles Burnt Face Man, with lines such as “Shut
Up, Crime!” Which gives it that indie cred filmmaking the critics love. Of
course the news becomes involved and Frank starts using The Crimson Bolt for
his own personal power control – a skull is cracked open over a cutter in the
cinema line. See this, human nature stuff coming out, yeah?
Starstruck
comic-book girl (Ellen Page) demands to join him, as the sidekick, Boltie. I
would say her part in the film isn’t completely necessary if it weren’t for a
scene in which Boltie’s failed seduction of Frank, leads to her raping him, at
this point I felt a review is
necessary.
The climax is bloody (hilarious that
is) when we see the extent of what violence is out-side the comic book realm,
quite... violent. This also fits into the ‘anarchy is freedom idolisation’ films like: Dear Wendy or Bellflower, shot independant style until
eruptions of ‘full-life concequence’ leads to violence. It’s here the effect of
Super got it a higher content rating than Kick-Ass, which is unfair, but the makers may like it that way. It’ll gain a good fanbase of people who seeked
it out, not of teenagers who went to the cinemas looking for bullets, blood and
boobs.
I’m finding the works of James Gunn more and more interesting. See the
internet series PG-Porn(2008). It's also nice seeing Rainn Wilson in more quality ventures than Dwight (The Office), see Hesher (2010). Ellen Page returning to her darkest role since Hard Candy (2005). While comedic and very fun it is simultaneously dark, creating what could have been very dumb into something much more complex - this is the substance.
In conclusion, I feared the death of action films had forever succumb to mind-numbing CGI, luckily some vigilante filmmakers can still fuel my need for gratuitous violence with smooth visuals and if possible, an inspired storyline. Fight the power, boys.
This triptych
of bodily fluids was created by the subtly named, Lucifer Valentine in 2006 –
2010.
Featuring the
delightfully puerile titles, in order:
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, ReGOREgitated
Sacrifice and Slow Torture Puke
Chamber.
The films are designed as if they are nightmarish fragments from a girl's life, named: Angela Aberdeen’s descent into hell; Bosch-esque tapestries aside I just came for the patented ‘vomit gore’ trend-setting. Not that I see this film as purely fetishistic porn, obviously
gender politics come into play here. If it were men vomiting and pissing on
themselves it then becomes a comedy franchise in the vein of Jackass.
Oh, Hank's up to another one of his squid-brained schemes again!
What separates it from said franchise
is that this is quite unsettling. There is much more to it then what many
people brush it off as. For example the
puking is legitimate puking - now that’s dedication from the actors
and actresses! There is a strong loyalty in these films to make something
unique - a portrait of pain. This indeed is a sadist’s wet dream; as notice I said: “not purely fetishistic” - because it still most definitely is. Valentine himself gets his jollies off to vomit. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess?
The film seems as if it’s trying to
work in both a haunting tale and porn at the same time, what you get is a
sloppy puddle of an avant-garde experiment. So kids, if you’re looking for
something different...
If nothing else, you can’t accuse the trilogy of
being misleading – you get what it says on the tin. There are some great
monologues and some amazing gore effects, then cut to, some whores sexing and
dry-reaching.
Admittedly,
I doubt the film's effect would remain if watched on mute, it’s the desperation
in the girl’s voices, the heaving sound of puke, which makes it rather stomach
churning. The tagline might have well been: “Made with REAL pain!”
Some of the set-pieces include: Vomiting (Spoiler
Alert); a tarantula stitched inside a vagoo; Anton Lavey’s daughter having
blood pissed on her and a homage to Mai
Chan’s Daily Life featuring a baby, a penis, a blender and a puke machine
named Hank Skinny. (It’s awww-right!) ;)
Hank soaking in a refreshing baby shower
This is a
film that crosses the social limits of decency, and is not for everyone. This is a nauseating delirium of loving-
crafted mindrapery. Many (most) tend to see it as pretentious, my assumption is
people underestimate the ‘experimental’ factor and were just hyped about the gore
(sabotaged by its own selling point). It’s not the film’s fault you can’t
appreciate something new, go back to Saw
7, lightweights.
Ah,
good ol’ reliable Troma. Supplying the finest in exploitative trash since 1974.
Being
a purely independant low-budget company, they cut to the chase and give people
what they want to see: limitless sex, sadism, racism, mutations and signature
penis monsters. Oh, and how they deliver!
They’re
a staple of western cinema with a well-deserved cult following. They helped
Billy Bob Thorton (Chopper Chicks In
Zombietown), Samuel L Jackson (Def by
Tempation) and Trey Parker and Matt Stone in their first film ‘Cannibal! The Musical’. Along with
creating some classics of their own: ‘The
Toxic Avenger’, ‘Class of Nuke’em
High’, ‘Combat Shock’ and ‘Tromeo & Juliet’.
Their
most recent classic, 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead', was even slightly critically applauded and considered one
of the more successful Troma releases.
Undeniably
creative, this leviathan of pure ...uh, brilliance, shat on anything to stew
out of Hollywood the last few years. Such gratitous sleaze yet so fresh and
inspired it becomes merely light-hearted fun as you feel the joyous soul playing right out on the screen.
The
story follows Arbie who enlists at American Chicken Bunker, as a statement to
his ex-girlfriend Wendy, who has dumped him for a left-wing feminist lesbian,
who along with others are protesting American Chicken Bunker’s demolition of an
indian burial ground.
Needless
to say, the chicken becomes cursed, and we are then blessed to some of the most
perverse, childish, bloody and toilet based slapstick put to film; along with
some offensive satire for good measure - Allowing some great quotes too.
Yet, as lowest common
denominater it seems I can’t see Poultrygeist appealing to neanderthal ignoramuses - who would sooner see the latest Epic Movie style nonsense. The film has an art to it, an art difficult to describe; but what I can say is they simply dont make movies like this anymore.
Considered
one of Troma’s best, even pulling Troma out of bankruptcy, there is no doubt im
my
mind this is one of the best independant films ever made.
Alternative
Reccomendations: Black Sheep (2006)
and Braindead aka Dead Alive (1992).
Highly recommend both.
This music video ‘Worlock’
composed by post-80’s industrial pioneers, Skinny Puppy, caught my eye some time ago. Comprising of shock imagery from such films as Hellraiser II,
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and Intruder, the use of obscure disposed
cinema garbage (list them all for a free cookie) forces a feeling of gunk under the
fingernails. And advocates what this blog aims for - revulsion.
The synth is
scintillatingly haunting as it is hypnotic. “... view so cruel - view so cruel - view so cruel...”
It also represents a personal
goal for this site to be a compilation of nausea.
See also: [Fields of
the Nephilium – Moonchild] and [Dir En Gray – Obscure]
This video was deemed
the 10th most controversial music video by Gigwise.com
Long story short, we are two guys with too much spare time, so we decided to make a blog about the highest forms of art- those which elicit reaction - to amuse like-minded individuals. Feel free to contact or criticize. Suggestions are welcome. Juden sind es nicht.
In school, did you ever have friends that spent their time
drawing detailed penis’ in their workbook? And whether it was the complete
disregard for education or their own personal dignity - you found it funny.
Well, if you gave those people a video camera and a handful of cash, you’d get,
The Taint.
Is this a masterpiece? Short answer, yes. If you don’t like penises however... It’s
still yes, but it may be a huge violation to your senses. The rest of us can sit back and enjoy and enjoy being violated.
